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I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
Jehovah`s Witnesses, Improving my hiding skills since 1974.
It`s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
A "Lifetime Movie" describes how long it felt when you were watching it.
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That`s like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
Most of my colleagues and friends can`t spell colleagues or friends.
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
To settle an argument, think about why you are wrong and why she has boobs.