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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
I might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery the odds are about the same
I put the hot in psychotic.
Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!
I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night…he hypnotized 7 guys…then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled F*CK ME ... what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life
I don`t want it to seem like I`m trying to get rid of you, but GO AWAY!!