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Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
Tonight’s forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
If people don`t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you`re doing something wrong.
My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
Of course you don’t think you’re ignorant! That’s the definition of ignorance!
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
What doesn`t kill you, makes you stronger... except for lions, lions will definitely kill you.
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
I don`t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.