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I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
You know what the cheapest meat is? Deer balls ... They`re under a buck
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
Congrats on winning an argument with your woman...... Your prize is a night on the couch.
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
I`d divorce my wife but I never want to see her that happy!
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
If you never jumped from sofa to sofa as a kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 300,000 times, well then you`re probably a weatherman.