Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.
Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
Love is grand. Divorce is 100 grand.
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
My girlfriend says I shouldn`t plan things so far in advance. Well, she`s not my girlfriend yet.
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
Trying to figure out how to ask a girl on a first date of Netflix and pizza without sounding all serial killery
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
I swear, if one more person calls me an alcoholic they are getting a high five too.
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004