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For once Iād like to get kicked into a bar
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
I`m not an asshole, I`m just the only one who has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
Two drunk guys driving down the road, One says to the other "We must be getting closer to town!" The other guys says, "How can you tell?" He says "Were hitting more frickin people."
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.
If you come up to my bedroom door and find a sock on the knob it means I`m having sex ... Probably with the other sock.