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Breaking News: Tuesdays suck just as much as Mondays.
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
My daughter exclaims "Cheers!" before she takes a drink of juice. So no, actually, I am NOT looking forward to parent - teacher conferences.
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
When I grow up I wanna be a psychiatrist for the mentally insane...so i can find out what the hell is wrong with you people
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
Being sick is your bodies way of saying “Hey, you really need to catch up on some TV”.
I like when people call me "Sir". I just wish they wouldn`t follow it up with "you`re making a scene."
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
School was so much easier when 2 plus 2 equaled 4 instead of "X." Whoever decided to involve the alphabet in math deserves a solid punch to the face.
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?