Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.
It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
If at first you don`t succeed ... I just lie and say I did.
As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
Whenever there’s an awkward silence, try whispering, “Did you forget your line?”
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
When people ask me for advice, I tell them, “Use your best judgment,” which they clearly don’t have if they are asking me for advice.
I`ve got a lot to unlearn.