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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can`t remember the lyrics.
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
If cockroaches can survive atomic bombs and chemical warfare, what the f*ck is in a can of Raid?
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.
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This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)