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WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I’d spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
Don`t put off until tomorrow what you can avoid the rest of your life.
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I`m like that, but with salad.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
Tips for Guys on Valentine`s Day: Tell your girl you already got something and make her guess. She`ll automatically list things she wants.
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?