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The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
I went for a 6 mile run tonight. The police are getting in much better shape these days.
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
I am now convinced that the homeless people have all of the shopping carts that do not have the wobbly wheels.
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
It`s not stalking if you love them!
You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.