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I`m sorry but sh!ts and giggles don`t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
You know you`re getting older when you play GTA and spend 3 hours just walking around the map trying to find where you parked your car.
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
Remember when the world ended last year?
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push ... into traffic.
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
Masturbating in front of your partner in the hope that she’ll join does not always work. And people on the bus stare at you.
I wonder if Monday can see my middle finger from here?