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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I`m not sure whether to believe this or not.
Iām not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts
Her (from the living room): What time is it out there? Me (in the kitchen): Same time as it is in there.
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
Everything is so much funnier when you`re not allowed to laugh.
Just saw someone eat a kit kat bar without breaking off each individual piece and now I can`t stop twitching.
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
The only clubs Iām into are sandwiches.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.
once you delete your birthday from Facebook, you realize no-one ever gave a sh!t about you all along!
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!