Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
Apparently, I did not use enough a$$hole repellent today
Drinking coffee in the afternoon is like eating the mushroom that makes you big in Super Mario.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
Bars are Weird Its the only Business that kicks you out for buying TOO much of their Product
I make a great second impression.
Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” .... I said, “I am.”
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
Every Facebook photo album could be titled either "Envy Me!" or "Pity Me!"
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.
My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.