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I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
Facebook. Where people can express thoughts that otherwise might get them fired, divorced, thrown in a loony bin or all three.
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
Tonight, I`m bringing Sexy back! I just hope I don`t need a receipt...
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
I`d like to give a shoutout to all the people who are going through an identity crisis, you know who you are... I think.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.