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I ate cereal for dinner because I do what I want. I`m an adult. Oh did I say adult? I meant poor. It`s because I`m poor.
I`ve tried several times, but I can`t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
When I`m bored, I dress up as Waldo, walk up to strangers (in a crowded airport), and say "psssst... if ANYBODY asks......YOU ain`t seen me... capiche?"
To honor Thanksgiving this month I will be calling every one Pilgrim instead of Dude or Bro-- Fair warning
I`m going to propose with a mood ring so I can easily see a measurement of how excited she really is.
If all the worlds a stage and the men and women merely players, how come Justin Bieber gets all the airtime?
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
Life gets expensive when you trust a woman that`s cute.
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
Boyfriend: Why do you watch the Food Network it doesn’t make your cooking any better? Girlfriend: Why do you watch porn?