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My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
It hurts when you goto unfriend someone only to discover they beat you to it
When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always "I don`t believe you."
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
It`s amazing how many pedestrians confuse right-of-way with immortality.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.