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common sense is like deodrant. the people who need it thr most never use it.
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it!
MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
I think all priuses are gay transformers living here on earth
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
If you ever need nothing I am here for you.
I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.
No, an erection is not considered personal growth.
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
I was fighting with this guy over who`s lazier. I let him win.
God is testing me today, but I don`t think he realizes I`m a `C` student.
A man asks a trainer in a gym - "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?" Trainer replies - "use the ATM"
I like staying up insanely late but I also like getting 12 hours of sleep. See my dilemma?
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?