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I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
A man typed in search box on Google : “What do women want?”. Google Replied : “We are also searching…”
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!
After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn`t want to hear. "Who was that?"
"I`ve never seen an angry stoner, see angry drunks all the time!" Clearly you`ve never tried to take a stoner`s nachos away.
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you`re getting ready to take hostages.
Good thing I`m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.
i dont have drain bramage.