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Why didn`t Spider-Man`s enemies just move to a city without skyscrapers?
Wait...so the "c-word" isn`t co-worker?
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
Today is the 1st anniversary of the end of the world. Can you believe it`s been a year since the world ended? Time sure flies when it`s the apocalypse.
MAY` contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn`t. DON`T WASTE MY TIME
If I learned anything from my children, it`s that it is always OK to do something stupid, as long as someone DARED you to do it.
May your life one day be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
I am now convinced that the homeless people have all of the shopping carts that do not have the wobbly wheels.
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that`s okay with you guys?
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
I decided to bury the hatchet with that neighbor I never got along with. After all, it is the murder weapon.
Texting while sitting at a stop light: Helping save lives every day by preventing T-bone collisions with drivers who run red lights. Because of that extra minute it takes for you to realize that the light has turned green, the driver who has no regard for the safety of others entering the intersection legally, can now safely clear the intersection without causing a collision. For this, we thank you.
I`ve been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat