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If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
Working from home means I save money on train tickets and pants, but spend more on vodka and pizza.
A lot of you lose your sh!t and have some pretty epic, public meltdowns. I just wanted to say thanks.
The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club
My friend on Facebook "Can`t believe its Monday again already"... if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
Side effects of telling your wife to get a grip may include throat bruising or testicular swelling.
Whenever I hear someone say “STOP” my brain says “Hammer Time”
My own personal hell sounds great, actually