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“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
Let`s simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call.
Saying "I`m offended" is basically telling the world you can`t control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.
...you ever ponder why that page was intentionally left blank?
I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. But giving payment when payment is due is an entirely different thing.
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eegs
Never scratch your a$$ with chocolate on your fingers.
Please don`t make me choose between you and porn.
All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
I bet if you walked up to any table at a restaurant and said "Good afternoon folks" they will let you take their order.
When I ask a girl I like why she and her ex broke up and she says "we just didn`t work out" I already know I have no chance since I hate working out
Save water, shower together.