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I once dated a meteorologist just so I could be with a woman who wasn`t right all the time.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
The best thing about online classes is the beer.
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.