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Who the hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere just let one in your home and it becomes your cat.
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I`ve never sympathized more with women in my life.
I love you more than I hate everyone else.
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
If kids get money for losing teeth, what do I get for all this hair Iām losing?
Although tequila is highly toxic, it can be used to dissolve the friend zone.
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
hearing that Jesus loves you is very nice unless you`re in a Mexican prison
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
Don`t wait until you`re on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.
I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn`t a very good one.
Tip of the day: Don`t be a douche!