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some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
It only takes a second to show a person how much you feel about them. The police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...
Adding lyrics when you don`t know the words or making words up when you don`t speak the language. ;)
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
I`m just standing here...50 yards away, waiting for the restraining order to expire.
Sorry I can`t go out tonight, I can`t find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
Every new day means new opportunities... to make mistakes and f*ck things up.
I hope manners is the next cool trend.
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
Alcohol doesn`t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk.
When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his happy place and throws it at the female octopus so she can inseminate herself. Then the male grows a new happy place. If that isn`t the most epic way to tell someone to go $*&# themselves, I don`t know what is!