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I want rich people problems. Like where to park my yacht.
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
Whenever someone invites me to their home and I see more than 3 cars parked outside, I keep driving just in case it`s an intervention.
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
Anyone says their wedding day was the best day of their lives has obviously never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
I`m so sick and tired of my light weight friends who can`t handle their alcohol...Last night , they dropped me 3 times when carrying me out of the bar!
On your deathbed tell everyone "pray for me" then make sure to leave a note to be opened after you die that says "pray harder next time."
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
I slept and woke up. (ok, lately this has become a major accomplishment in my life)
Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That`s somebody`s daughter.
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.
The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments so they look crazy.