Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights.
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
When I get a call from an unknown number I answer by whispering: "It`s done, but there`s blood everywhere!"
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
Wanna try something funny? Go to a bank and yell "NOBODY MOVE..(Scary pause)..I lost a contact lens."
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
Got tasered at speed dating again.
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
I am better off now than I was 4 beers ago...
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.