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Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There`s a nap for that.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
Sorry, I was not paying attention. I was thinking about having sex with you.
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
I bet my road rage will be taken seriously once I get a car.
I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.
Guys, if she says she’s crazy, she’s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
I hate waiting until I`m dead. I want to haunt people now dammit.
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.