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To all the people who think they don`t need deodorant: What in the world would make you think that?
Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow...alcohol is 1 in 5. You play your game...I`ll play mine
I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
This nude beach would be great!...if I wasn`t the only one participating.
Showed my daughter an MRE. The package said "Peelable Seal". She said I`m not eating no seal.
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
Dont judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
Curious that it`s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace