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The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to open the vodka is the smartest.
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
Instead of the John, I call my bathroom the Jim...that way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim every morning.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
The original creator of the phrase “common sense” surely didn’t know many people.
When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.
Being an American is awesome. The end.
If stress burned calories, I’d be a super model.