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Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
The bat signal seems pretty useless if they need Batman during the day.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
Save electricity! Would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?