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Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
Sorry I`m late... I accidentally pulled the chain on the ceiling fan one too many times for like 9 hours straight.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
Those awkward moments when you catch yourself feeling frustrated with your kids for being just like you....
Diet plan: make friends fatter
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
Shouldn`t we get paid to use the self-service checkouts in supermarkets? It`s like we work there for a little while.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Happy New Year you guys.
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn`t.
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace