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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn`t attend.
You can`t lick any part of your reflection except your tongue.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that’s coming.
Right now I`m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I`ve forgotten this before.
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.
Some people come into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons.