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I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
Just got a message that said "Hey, I tried to call you"...that`s your problem right there....you should have never tried that.
Caught myself yelling "F*CK YOU" to my burrito for dripping on my pants, if you were wondering who`s raising the next generation.
Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
Screw getting an alarm system. I`ve seen Home Alone, I know what to do.
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
I`m opening a bar called The Office. You`re welcome guys. "Be home soon sweetie, I`m at The Office"
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
Tried to plug my charger in the wrong hole. Siri was like STOP " I don`t do that ".
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.