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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin? (asking for a friend)
Some people wouldn`t understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.
Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with "Go away."
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
I went to the doctor for a check up and he says I`m going to live. But I think he`s wrong and it`s just a matter of time.
I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.