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I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
Remember that one time the cops pulled you over, then let you go because they had a more interesting call. You are welcome.
As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
Apparently, I did not use enough a$$hole repellent today
[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"
Girls probably spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
Don`t think I didn`t notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
I`m gonna just take a quick nap before I go to bed.
It`s kind of creepy that you noticed me staring at you.