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I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
Home is where the pants aren`t.
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead
omg I just found out I`m allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!
I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
Don’t believe everything you think.
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow.
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
Women, we don`t say this enough, but thank you...Thank you for not killing us in our sleep. Sincerely, Men.