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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
I`m not saying that I`ve been online too long, I`m just saying that when I close my eyes I scroll through my thoughts
Coffee keeps me busy until it`s time to be drunk.
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal
You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some Midol.