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When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here
Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore.
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It’s obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you`re doing it.
I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be.