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I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
I`m glad it`s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.
So I was looking at my boyfriends facebook page and saw a ton of girls saying they love him. He`s obviously cheating on me. We are so over Zac Efron.
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you´ve had?
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, I’m picking your pockets.
Give a man a fish and chances are you won`t be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.
I`ll never need a shrink as long as my wife keeps pointing out whats wrong with me...