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What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
The iPhone 5S: Because the NSA wants your thumbprint now too.
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
I want the time management skills of people who effortlessly carve out entire hours to be offended by every single thing on the internet.
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
I hope this snowstorm doesn`t impact my schedule of aimlessly wasting my day online.....
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
When the machines rise up against the humans, just pray to your God that you`re nowhere near a dildo factory.
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.
Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?
Not to brag, but I still owe Blockbuster $2.00 for not rewinding Weekend at Bernies.
It’s not the holiday season unless you push your body to the brink of alcoholism and diabetes.
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.