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Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
And yet another year goes by with People magazine failing to recognize my beauty.
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
Joggers always give each other a little nod when they pass, just like fat guys in a buffet line.
Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
Apparently, I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.
Just signed a $320,000, nine year deal with my therapist.