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Beer and a 44 magnum with an everclear shot makes everything good like Nintendo
Racism, sexism and homophobia make no sense when there are so many perfectly good stupid people to hate.
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
The best things in life require no pants.
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he ended up fixing the washing machine after all.
It`s my birthday. I’m not just a year older, I’m also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a game invites on Facebook.
Listen lady, if you stopped screaming maybe you would enjoy holding hands with me.
Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.