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If zombies ever do attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it.
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
Well I just finished up some spring cleaning. Holy crap, owning a Slinky can be such a hassle.
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?
I`d be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
Things that don`t kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)