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I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
Spoiler alert: I unplugged your fridge.
Don`t hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
I hate it when people like their own statuses * At this point you like your status for dramatic effect*
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
I`m still trying to get over the fact that oranges are pre-sliced by nature.
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
Note to self: the wife does not want an `exercise pole`.