Daily Silly Status

Almost time for my nightly foursome......... Me, my bed, my pillow and my blanket! What the hell were YOU thinkin` you perv!!!!!!

HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T

There`s an emoji for eggplants but not for popcorn and this is why trusting people isn`t just hard, it`s impossible.

I hate it when teachers say, “You think it’s funny?” Obviously it is, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t be laughing

I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.

I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.

If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.

bored out of my mind in class i began staring into space... space happened to be right in front of me at the time...

If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.

Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts

I dont mind going to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is bullsh*t

If it makes you feel better, don’t call it “Premature Ejaculation.” Call it “Speed Dating”

Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here

A girl who lives hundreds of miles away texting you “I’m drunk” is like a lasagna texting you from Italy saying “I’m delicious”

Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my random thoughts and sliding them into stranger`s pockets.