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If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
My anaconda will take whatever it can get at this point.
If your house doesn`t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
Me:"I had a dream about you." Girlfriend:"Awwwwww." Me:"Yeah, you died."
I`m not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being.
MAY` contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn`t. DON`T WASTE MY TIME
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.