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My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. ..well, she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet..
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
If you drink enough, your brain starts photo-shopping people.
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
I`m convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
Nothing screams "I don`t care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
Dear God, thank you for all the animals, and plants, and insects, but were spiders really necessary?
Dora the explorer.... Y U NO GET GPS?
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people, respect it!
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
~WARNING~ I will more than likely offend you at some point in time