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The problem with the rest of the world is that they are always 5 drinks behind.
I`m 99.9% certain that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid
ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend’s drink. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.
Why put off `til tomorrow what you can premeditate today.
How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I`ll let you know if we can be friends.
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
I do my best proofreading after I hit `send`.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.