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Some people need to calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra.
The thing about smart mother f*ckers is... They sound like crazy mother f*ckers to dumb mother f*ckers!
If you ever need anything please don`t hesitate to ask someone else first.
After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I`ve come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
Coworker: What did you do this weekend? Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up.
Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
The well behaved rarely make history.
Is it sexual harasment to say ho ho ho to a female coworker?
Why can`t someone look at me the same way I look at pizza?
Ran into a former supervisor from my last job today, kept driving.