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I`m amazed at the mileage my car is getting. I`m still running off the same tank of gas I bought last year!
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they`re full.
I`m a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the heck are you doing?
Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.