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Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
Does a transformer get car insurance or life insurance?
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
Paying a homeless man to pee on your ex`s windshield, is just about the most fun you can have with 5 bucks.
I never fail to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors when I pick up the other person and throw them out the window.
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.