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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
My wife started clipping coupons to help save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
All women are crazy. But, if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
I`m not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate.
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
If your friends can accurately guess your age, you need to find dumber friends.
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
I`m done with tucking in shirts. Too many people complaining I`m invading their "personal space." LOL
I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.
One day I hope the bravery of the people who initiate clapping is recognized.