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Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like, hey you, I love you so much, I`m gonna get the government involved so you can`t leave.
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
I like my coffee like I like my women, hot and a lot of alcohol in them
Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I`m part of the other 3%.
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
If you want funny, get off Facebook and watch the news...
My mind has a mind of its own.
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.