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it`s not that I`m bad at remembering names, I`m just awesome at forgetting them.
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people.
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
Tonight, I`m bringing Sexy back! I just hope I don`t need a receipt...
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: `last warning, you have a week to get the money together.`
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.