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I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
Say what you want about Kim and Kanye naming their daughter North West. That kid is headed straight to the top. And slightly to the left.
If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
Pepper spray: The perfect way to end an annoyingly long conversation.
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scan it…
If ignorance is bliss then there`s a crap load of people in paradise
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers