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Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava
I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
If there is one-thing in this would i don`t like being thought is ... a lesson.
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
I spent 2 hours cleaning this kitchen. Mess it up and I will cut you! ... Love MOM
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
The most impressive thing about how cowboys used to have showdowns at high noon is that they could get two people to be on time to something
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.