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You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
I plan my entire day around the possibility of a nap.
Volleyball = A more intense version of don`t let the balloon hit the floor.
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.
This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"