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I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
Sometimes I meow back at cats.
"Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
Job interview `What is your biggest weakness?` `Honesty` `I don`t think honesty is a weakness` `I don`t give a flying *#(@ what you think!`
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
I decided to bury the hatchet with that neighbor I never got along with. After all, it is the murder weapon.
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.
6 FUNNIEST CONTRADICTING WORDS 1.Clearly misunderstood 2.Exact estimate 3.Small crowd 4.Found missing 5.Fully empty 6.Happily married