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Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
Never trust anyone who smiles this early in the morning.
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
You’re not an easy person to like….I like that about you.
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
Facebook: an alternative to drunk dialing.
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
Wife: give me money I want to buy a bra. Husband: you`ve got nothing to put in them. Wife: you wear shorts
The one thing women don`t want to find in their stockings on christmas morning is their husband
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
I can`t afford to go on vacation these days,so I just drink until I don`t know where the duck I am or how I got there.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.