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i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
The best part about being at work on Friday is that it gives me 9 hours to figure out what I`m going to drink tonight.
Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.