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I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
3yo just yelled "face-five!" & slapped his brother in the face. I`m totally using that at work tomorrow.
I’m just going to put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I`d have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
Remember ladies, if on your 10th selfie you don’t have the perfect one to post you’re really just ugly.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
I`m so sick and tired of my light weight friends who can`t handle their alcohol...Last night , they dropped me 3 times when carrying me out of the bar!
Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
Government shutdown day 8: Electricity still works. Water is still running. No cool gangs to join yet. Worst apocalypse ever.
I’m taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
Mondays feel like biting into a chocolate chip cookie only to find out it`s oatmeal raisin.
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool