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People that walk behind cars get exhausted
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
Wives are just security guards hellbent on denying you access to your happiness, and porn collection.
My personal fast food philosophy: If nobody knows you went to McDonald`s, you didn`t really go to McDonalds.
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
Alcohol is never the answer. Unless someone asked me, "What are you doing this weekend?"
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain beard 3.) prisoner of war beard 4.) homeless person beard 5.) wizard beard
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
"Well, now I see how you came up with the word `Microsoft`." -Melinda Gates (on their wedding night)
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
Be careful when you`re watching a movie with your wife. You`re gonna get blamed for whatever the guy in the movie does.
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day