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In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
Here`s a thought: Let`s let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
The problem with some people is that they`re breathing.
Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, nudity, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
It only takes a second to show someone how you feel. The police call it “Indecent Exposure” but whatever.
Helpful Tip: You can’t get in trouble for leaving work early if you disable the security cameras and crawl out the air-conditioning duct.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,…Why don’t you ever smile in my pictures?
When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex, not the whole entire relationship...
If you reach your hand into a woman`s purse, it crosses into a parallel universe containing everything but the one thing you`re looking for.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.