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Maybe I`m the good kind of fat like an avocado.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
At my age I can no longer function without my glasses. Especially when they`re empty.
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was "I bet a cupcake wouldn`t have done this to me."
Hey Ladies..Prince charming is Gay and living with Mr. Right
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
I go on dates just to remind myself that being single is awesome.
To honor Thanksgiving this month I will be calling every one Pilgrim instead of Dude or Bro-- Fair warning
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
didn`t get much sleep last night, I tried counting sheep but they kept cutting in line, confused the hell outta me!!
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
How can society expect me to be a mature productive member of it I don`t even know if it`s spelled gray or grey
It`s always fun to act like you don`t see the person running to catch the elevator your in just as the door starts closing.