Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
No way the guy from Operation is insured for any of those ridiculous medical procedures.
Whenever there’s an awkward silence, try whispering, “Did you forget your line?”
The ideal man doesn`t smoke, doesn`t drink, doesn`t do drugs, doesn`t swear, doesn`t get angry, doesn`t exist
That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
My neighbors listen to some amazing music… whether they like it or not. ;)
Proposing to a woman isn`t like choosing a life-long business partner. It`s more like hiring your own boss.
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.
The only reason I offer to be the designated driver is so people will get used to seeing me load lifeless bodies into my car.