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I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
Sex, do it for the kids.
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
iPhone 6: For people who don`t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
Every time I see an abandoned shoe on the highway it reminds me of some of the drunken nights we use to have.
Played hide and seek today. I was winning until the cops let the K9 off of the leash.
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!