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I only say "God bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll do it.
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
Lawns: You cut them, then water them so they grow just so you can cut them again. This does not make sense.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid`s vomit.
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
I hate when I`m admiring my good looks from a car`s window reflection and the people inside think I`m staring at them.
Dear single guys; open a pet shop selling cats. Let the single ladies come to you.