Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed ... Again.
I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine`s day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
Happy "Another excuse to drink" Day!
What about a To-Don`t List?
If you were a Pokemon, I`d choose you.
Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked “do you have any firearms with you?” do not reply “what do you need?”
There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”
Sometimes I think I`m pretty cool but then I remember plants can eat sun and poop out air.
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
Good job on the speed traps, cops – How are the murderer traps coming along?