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My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he`s just a lamp so what does he really know anyway
"5 React 2 Gum-- Experiences may vary. Stimulate your senses!"-- Same effect as LSD, but chewier.
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
My therapist just offered me my money back.
I don`t run away from my problems. That`s immature. I ignore them.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.
I’m so happy people can’t hear what I’m thinking.
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.