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I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
Don`t worry. Your secret is safe with me. I wasn`t listening anyway.
People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
Why is it that whenever I have to turn around in a strange driveway, I feel like they`re gonna come running out with pitchforks and torches?
I once ran a Half Marathon. Well, I say that because it sounds better than saying I collapsed and almost died halfway through a Full Marathon.
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
I`m convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.
*spits out animal cracker* This doesn`t even taste like hippo.
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....
Of course I`m crazy, but that doesn`t mean I`m wrong