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Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
Nothing says “I hate you” like giving someone’s child a drum set.
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
Forecast for the weekend... mild alcoholism, with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired judgement. Increasing chance of regret and hangover for Sunday.
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn`t appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
Do you think regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh crap! It’s the cops!”?
People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.