Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
I`ve tried several times, but I can`t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
Just seen this girl walk into a lamp post! I could have stopped her but that wouldn`t have been funny would it
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven`t had any yet.
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
I may not be the only egomaniac around here, but I’m the only one that matters.
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.