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It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some sh!t.
The awkward moment when you’re that one friend who always gives relationship advice but is still single.
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn`t mean to eat it. I don`t want to be a bug.
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
If at first you don´t succeed ..... buy her another drink
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what! Who wants to be in a hurry?!?
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
I just "borrowed" my neighbors nissan frontier, they make that trick look easier on the commercial
I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn`t Nintendo.