Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun.
Do you ever wish you were a monkey? Then if you got mad at someone, you could just fling your poo at them. Problem solved.
Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
Ill be in my office giving co-workers the silent treatment ..by sending them blank emails.
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive behind them slowly blasting Eye of the Tiger for motivation.
I`m starting to think mosquitoes just land on our faces not to suck blood but to see how stupid we look when we slap ourselves.
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
Just give me coffee and no one gets hurt.
The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.
It`s a beautiful Spring day to get outside and stare at your phone.
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
Donald Trump`s hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
I need a new bad decision.
When it comes to speaking Spanish I know the essentials. "Taco, nacho, burrito, cheeto, frito & no comprendo."