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If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
The guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon deserves an award.
"I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon"
No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
The problem with today`s children is that today`s parents are idiots.
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.
If you get pulled over, ignore the cop and tell him that your mommy told you not to talk to strangers.