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Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
Relationships, Marriages, work and children are what keep alcohol companies in business.
FACT: The higher pitched my "hey!" the greater the chance I don`t remember who you are.
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!