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Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
You make me have filthy thoughts, and for that I thank you...
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant
The wifi going down on me is the most action I`m going to get tonight.
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
I just saved a lot of money in child support by switching to condoms!
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.