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I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
I try to live every day as though it were my last, and who wants to do laundry on the last day they’re alive?
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
Heads up, peeps. There are over 700 fake Obamacare sites ready to swipe your info. Pro tip: The real site is the one that doesn`t work...
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
I don`t think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...