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I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. Ok, I’m having wine for dinner.
I have a great relationship with Alcohol..
Some men get naked when they have to count up to 21...
I thought I wanted to get married again. Then I laughed and remembered why I shouldn`t think.
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
It`s not often you see a pink poo in your bowl & realize that not everything is edible from the sex shop
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
Lightning is like God`s way of saying "Get out of that tree you pervert!"
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...
You`re annoying, but honestly, I`ve been annoyed by better.
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.