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I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
It`s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball... But won`t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
Nothing makes you feel more insignificant than still having 85% battery at noon.
I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
I was going to get married, but my wife refuses to sign the divorce papers
Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
Actions speak louder than passive aggressive Facebook statuses.
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.
I’m so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.