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I put the o in illiterate!
I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
There`s no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.
Saw a billboard ad for potato chips that proudly claimed "There`s a lot of pride in every bag!" Hmmm...is "pride" another word for "air"?
If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance that I would use the Force inappropriately.
Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That`s not lazy, that`s proactive.
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
I was gonna call you... but I`m still sober.
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon.
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon
Why be part of the problem when you can be all of it?