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You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
Do people who run know that we’re not food anymore.
I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.
Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.
If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.
The only good thing about being an alcoholic is that no one ever asks me to drive them anywhere.