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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
Have a day. That`s about as inspirational I get.
When exactly are they going to make Xanax fit my Pez Dispenser?
If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes… Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
What about a To-Don`t List?
When you were little, “I’m going to tell your mom” was the scariest sentence ever.
You guys, how can true love still exist if we don`t have mixed tapes anymore?
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.