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If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn`t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
*Gets absolutely nothing done*… Welp time for a break.
You know it`s way past your bed time when the 1-800-dial-a-hoe commercials come on.
I wonder who the first person was to look at a beehive and think, "those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I know it!"
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.
My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.
If cats could talk, they`d probably always be correcting your grammar.
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
If a girl picks an iron in monopoly you know she`s a keeper
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, I’m really disappointed with Bill Gates.
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>
You know you`re getting old when Happy Hour is a nap.