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Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps.
Facebook. Where people can express thoughts that otherwise might get them fired, divorced, thrown in a loony bin or all three.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
The way dogs get excited when you throw a tennis ball is the way I feel about my first beer after work.
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
What if dreams are just glimpses of alternate universes?
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
If you think my status updates are ridiculous you should see my life choices
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.
Iām going back to sleep. I refuse to give up on my dreams that easily.