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Pepper spray: The perfect way to end an annoyingly long conversation.
My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn`t going according to plan.
A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
I love Halloween because it`s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
That "No alcohol beyond this point." sign might as well say "I bet you can´t chug that whole beer!"
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
Remember, Christmas is over if you sit on a strangers lap now and ask for stuff it`s because you`re a whore.
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
Singing in the shower is illegal according to this Ikea security guard.
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.