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I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
How does one get a nice body without moving?
Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I’m about to be murdered.
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
Is it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message like looking directly into the sun?
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.
People who learned a bunch of stuff must have felt pretty stupid when Wikipedia came out.
I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.