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Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.
My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
Perhaps Nicki Minaj just lost a series of bets.
Was there even food before people started posting pictures of it on Instagram?
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
Oh honey, you`re not pretty enough to be that stupid
Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5
I`m like the toughest guy in this comic book store.
I need to find a job where I am paid solely on how awesome I am.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.