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They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
Did you know: Your life expectancy decreases every time you ... PISS ME OFF
His idea of cleanliness is sweeping the room with a glance.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually dont have one
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn`t. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
props to the parent at the mall that walked up afterward to ask santa what his kid wanted lol
Parts of my body are turning 50 Shades of Gray
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
"If Donald Duck doesn`t have to wear pants than neither do I!"- Me getting drunk at Disney World.
Wow, that Macy`s parade is crazy! The Kanye West float just cut off Snoopy and said Woodstock can fly better!
How long does it take to get obsessed?