Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the sh!t out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
Oh, you have a brand new boyfriend? Please tell me more about how you think he`s `the one`.
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
When I say lol, I don`t literally mean I laughed out loud. What I actually mean is that I made a loud outward breath through my nose, similar to a bull.
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I text a lot.
I now have more electronic screens in my life than friends.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.