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Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, damn weird... I heard you were better."
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
I need to do laundry so bad I`m actually wearing Christmas stockings
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
Peace on earth would be nice, but not gaining 20 pounds over the holidays would be a Christmas miracle.
Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.