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I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.
Why are people with BAD breath always wanting to tell me a secret?
The only thing worse than "the one that got away" is the one that won`t go away.
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
I love a woman in uniform. I mean naked.
My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation." That wasn`t a very nice postcard to receive.
If the shoe fits . . . buy one in every color
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.