Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I swear I`m allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I seem to break out in handcuffs.
They don`t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy’s hat sideways.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
only fights if pillows are present.
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a game invites on Facebook.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
You`re right, you didn`t ask that guy for a d!ck pic, but nobody asked for hundreds of pictures of your face either.
I know what I`m getting for Christmas ... Fat. I`m getting fat.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?