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It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.
I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
What do you call a dog with no hind legs? Dragon Balls.
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
Being an adult is the worst idea ever.
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.