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Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
I heard an ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" But then, I can`t drive a bus..
Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn`t going according to plan.
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullsh!t I`ll put up with before I catch on.
Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don`t like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
Those raccoons must of had one heck of a party last night!!!! That`s the 4th one I`ve seen passed out on this road
I don’t call it laying down anymore, I call it landscape mode.
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
Its all fun and games until someone drinks the beer with the cigarette butts in it..
Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned