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Vegetables are a must on my diet. I am eating Carrot cake, Zucchini bread and Pumpkin pie.
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
Spoiler alert: I unplugged your fridge.
I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
My dad says that if I don`t stop typing so loudly, he`s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.” - Every time.
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
Today I am thankful for my family....and this 5th of vodka that helps me deal with them.
Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?
My dad use to take me to the circus to see the clowns, freakshows and the bearded lady. Now... I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.
You`re right. I don`t have a clue. I`ve never had a clue. It`s part of my charm and it seems to be working for me.