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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
Stress balls work really well when you shove them down someone`s throat.
Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don`t have long.
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.
I prefer to call it a β€œTa-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Friday.
My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
My Facebook weather forecast looks like I can expect 2 or 3 inches of drama tonight followed by a lot of bullsh!t blowing in from all directions in the morning.
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
It’s not my fault God gave you boobs to stare at.