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The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
I wish I could veto MY bills.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
If your wife has 2 phones, save both numbers under one name : “Wife” Never save them as "Wife1" and “Wife2" ~ a husband from the hospital
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
When finding someone to date, drinking compatibility is more important than you think.
has a drinking problem...I can`t afford it
Something about summertime brings out the beer guzzling Homer Simpson in me.
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.