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Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
My baby girl is so polite. I told her she needed to share and she said "No, thank you"
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
I`ll never be to old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night.
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?