Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ask your doctor if walking blindly into traffic is right for you
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
Dating Tip: If you eat a magnet and slip another magnet into your date`s drink she`ll never be able to leave you
When you’re old, my kids will be in charge. I’m so, so sorry.
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
I always stip to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porn starts off.
Pro tip for picking up girls – keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
The best thing about the internet is knowledge. You have all this knowledge at your fingertips! And we get to share what we learn with others! Oh...wait a second. I forgot about porn. OK I take it back. PORN is the best thing about the internet!
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
"I" before "E" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session
Did we try giving the government a snickers?