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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
I miss the days when minding your own business was a thing.
Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
Hoodie Footie Pajamas from Pajamagram; because nothing tells a girl you love her like giving her something to cover up her body from head to toe before she gets in your bed.
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.
Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we`d still be talking about how we`re not finding that airplane.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.
I wanna be rich enough to have 11 little people who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast.