Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.
Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
Lol at birds that walk places.
Why do people say “nice to meet you” before I’ve even said anything? How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m a jerk.
Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late
Why would I pay someone to scare me at a haunted house when I could just open a can of biscuits at home?
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!