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I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
Anytime my boss leaves her office, I sneak in there and fart.
Hope you don`t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you`re good with grammar you`ll get it.
I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
Never underestimate the power of cleavage.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.