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Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
You know why you like me ... Cause your f*ckin crazy too!!!
When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
bras are booby-traps
I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
FYI, Target does not give prizes, no matter how many bullseyes you hit in the store with a paintball gun
Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?
I have no idea what swag is, but I`m fairly certain what I have is the opposite of whatever it is.
A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."