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This debt collector was just so surprised I answered my phone that they stuttered and hung-up lmao!!
Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
Peyton Manning saw his shadow this morning...that means six more weeks of bad Papa Johns commercials.
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress so that I’ll have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
and alcohol are now friends.
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.
I just need someone to feed me and tell me I’m pretty.