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You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM child
I just sprayed Citrus Fabreeze in my bathroom... Now it smells like Sh*trus
Adding “and sh!t” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
Don’t get me wrong. I totally hear what you’re saying…I just don’t care.
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
I don`t call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.
When you`re a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you`re an adult, they`re considered immature.
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.
When you are not happy and would like to go back to being young, think of Algebra!