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Nothing makes me want to leave a website more than a pop-up window saying, “Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
My Living Will says it`s okay to pull the plug on me, but I`d like them to at least try jiggling it a few times first.
A new study suggests that a future study will completely contradict this study.
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
This silly farmers market doesn`t have any locally grown pizza.
How do we know that all the ancient Greek sculptures aren`t just victims of Medusa?
FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we`re f*cked.
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
If you can`t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that`s all there is to me.
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.