Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How to break up with someone: You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: Which one? You: ME. You: BYEEEE
I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.
Just about the time I started to give a crap, my attitude became constipated......
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I`m not even married.
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.
If you wake up with a funny taste in your mouth on christmas morning...............just remember that santa only cums once a year. :D
I hate it when people upload song lyrics as their status`s it reminds me of somebody i used to know
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
I haven`t gotten laid in so long, you`d swear I`ve been wearing Crocs all this time.
I will literally spend $20 on food but won’t buy a $20 shirt.