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Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
Match dot com, but for socks.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
If you watch the Twilight movies backwards, Kristen Stewart still can`t act.
I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally things like this don`t bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.
I put the hot in psychotic.
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
I have problems cleaning my house because I get distracted by all the fun things I find.
I`ve given up on giving up.
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
I`m not lazy... I`m in energy saving mode.