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What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
Does the Food Network deliver?
Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
I`m in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullsh!t I`ll put up with before I catch on.
My wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can`t see the mailbox when she`s backing up?
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
woman belong in the kitchen? thats where the knives are you fool.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
Alcohol doesn`t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk.
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you`re really clingy and annoying