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You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
New day, same old bullsh!t
Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
I can already tell this is going to be one of those days where I am not rich and famous.
I just bought Velcro shoes.... What a rip off!
Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
Talk to me long enough and you`ll realize why I`m single.
Carfax but for people
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
Instead of sending people to jail, we should just make them eat the stringy things off bananas..
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
I don`t get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I`m in my underwear making a sandwich.
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.