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Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.
With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
Excessive consumption of alcohol seems like a good idea.
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
When a porn actress is rude at a restaurant, there`s really nothing the staff can put in her food for revenge.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
I don`t know if I should tip the bathroom attendant, or charge for letting him watch...
My mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.” I said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.....”
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you`ve done with the place.