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Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
Nothing screams DUI like wearing a really nice suit on a city bus.
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
Is everything expensive or am I just poor?
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you’re a terrible person and had it coming.
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
Helping my kid study for her geology exam, and apparently `hard` `classic` and `punk` are not the 3 different types of rock.
-buys lottery ticket -fantasizes about winning the lottery -smiles -loses lottery -resumes general hatred for life
i just fell off a 20ft ladder.. good thing I was on the first step.
They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I`ve never seen a dolphin with a face tattoo.
I`d like to give you a big thumb`s-up. But I`m afraid that would be the wrong finger.
I only party on 2 occasions. 1. When it’s my birthday 2. When it’s not…