Daily Silly Status

If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.

If you give me a phone number or directions while I`m on the phone with you, just know that I`m using my very best finger pen and air paper.

For daylight savings, we should move the clocks forward an hour on Monday at 9 AM so that we lose an hour of work instead of sleep.

I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.

You don’t look like 200 likes in person.

All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.

I’m not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.

I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO

At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?

I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.

I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.

I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.

Whenever I drive past the psychic’s empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.

Printing an expiration date on a bag of Cheetos is just a waste of ink.

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues