Daily Silly Status

I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.

Look up from your phone… There’s some life going on around you.

I’ll call it a “smart phone” the day I yell, “Where’s my phone?!” and it answers, “I’m here! Under your covers!”

Worries about the economy grow again after the world`s biggest yacht-selling company announce a drop in sails

"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids

Unless life hands you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna suck.

I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.

Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.

I would of read and liked your status if it wasn`t like 3 pages long.

The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.

My problem has always been a Constipated Brain and my mouth has the Runs.......

Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.

Have you ever noticed that half way through the ColonialPenn insurance commercial, Alex Trebek tries to pull a Jedi-Mind-Trick on us.... "This is the insurance you are looking for." (I didn`t get enough sleep last night.)

One thing the porn industry has taught me is that this summer I defiantly need to get a job as a poolboy.

Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.