Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Me, watching the Olympics: "That was impressive." Announcer: "ANOTHER DISASTROUS MISTAKE!"
I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
Karaoke bars combine two of the worlds greatest evils—people who shouldn`t drink with people who shouldn`t sing.
Hi I’m a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
I can tell you nice things but they`ll all be about me.
You really can`t say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
people say nobody`s perfect..i made nobody!..
My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka.