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It`s Monday. I`m refreshed and ready to hate my Job
I hope this guy at the urinal next to me can see that I`m checking Facebook and not taking pictures.
I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
i feel naked without my mobile !
Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
You know its a bad day when your fat pants are tight :(
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria
I have nothing!
I`ll be busy tonight taking my girlfriend out to dinner and then having sex all night. Is what I`d be saying if I had money ... or a girlfriend
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.