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If you`re one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
apparently telling my girlfriend her acuracy is as high as a magic 8 ball wasn`t a good idea.
Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
We should start seeing Valentine`s Day crap in the stores any minute now.
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
"I`m tired of you pushing me around and talking behind my back." ----people in wheelchairs probably
I`m not just living paycheck to paycheck. I`m living from paycheck to change jar to scrap aluminum to liquor store to paycheck.
It`s amazing how much more money I have when I`m drunk.
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
Better late than pregnant.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
Home is where the pants aren’t.
Did we try giving the government a snickers?