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If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor.
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
Sometimes I whisper, "I`m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world...
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.
You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
My bank lets me send a text message and it will text back with my balance. Its a cool feature but I didn`t think the LOL was necessary.
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
I don`t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.
Masturbating in front of your partner in the hope that sheβll join does not always work. And people on the bus stare at you.