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Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
Silence is Golden, except when coming from children… Then you’d better go check to see what’s broken.
I`d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook… When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.
Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked “do you have any firearms with you?” do not reply “what do you need?”
I’m starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
You ever want to just grab someone and say, WTF is wrong with you?