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Just tried to pay for my McDonalds with a hug, it didn`t work. Don`t believe the rumors.
Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket, you`re proably not gonna win, but you`re sure as hell gonna try!
I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That`s us in 10 years". She said "That`s a mirror".
My life has a great cast, but I can’t really figure out the plot.
Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
I`m starting to think that all those hours in school, when I practiced writing my autograph, was just a waste of time.....
I guess I need to buy some new drink coasters because I finally ran out of AOL free trial CDs.
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
That sound the Ketch-up make when you squeeze out the last drop, NEVER fails in making people laugh
I don`t care how loud I`m laughing, I`m having fun and you`re not.
I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I`d rather shit in my hands and clap !"