Daily Silly Status

Jerry: Tom, you are a genius!.. Tom: Yeah, I am called that a lot... Jerry: What? Genius?... Tom: No, `Tom`

2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.

People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented

I just wanted you all to know that I`m leaving Facebook. The ride has been a blast and I`ve made a ton of friends. Your humor and wit is amazing. I`ll miss all of u, but I`ve decided I need to spend more time with my family...so see you after breakfast!!

If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss

I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it`s the duct tape of food.

I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.

Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.

Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.

After a night of heavy drinkin’ there’s one thing I can’t stand… and that’s up.

What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"

I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut

If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?

Some people you know was dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.

I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run but, I was still sweating by the end.