Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I like you, I’ll let you hold the TV remote when we watch TV. If I love you, I won’t take the batteries out of it beforehand.
My dog was licking his balls. My friend said "I wish I could do that." I said "You better pet him first; he can be mean sometimes."
Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but,....Oh,hell. Now I`m depressed.
This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it.
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
If you touch your phone in the right places, a pizza will arrive at your door.
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
You know you have anger-management issues when you use an entire can of fly spray at point blank range to kill the tinest of moths...
If your buttcrack is showing out of your pants. I will drop change in it and make a wish.
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
I`ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.
Don`t tell me to make myself at home if you don`t want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.