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Just worked out, I will spend on average 7 years of my life in the bathroom. My wife will spend on average 6.9 years of her life knocking on the door saying " are you all right in there "
Some things get in the way of my happiness, so I ignore them.
So.. who else is sleeping naked tonight?
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
Sign outside a Drug Rehab Centre: "Keep off the Grass!"
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
I`m not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
Remember before we met? I miss those days.
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
They said money can`t by happiness. But it can buy tattoos, car parts, and beer. What else could we need?