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I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I’m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl`s stomach full for 9 months.
I want to be something scary for Halloween so I am going as a positive pregnancy test......
My girlfriend told me to grow a pear… What the hell does fruit have to do with killing this spider?
My life coach just benched me.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...
It`s not karma, you`re just an idiot.
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.