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If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
There were only 3 commandments until Moses’ wife got involved.
The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
When all else fails… Pizza & Beer.
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
Yes, autocorrect, that`s right. I hate that stupid ditch
had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting sh!tfaced.
I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
You know its Monday when your left eye wont open and your right eye is twitching.