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The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
2 cops walk into a bar... I don`t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
just read a list of "the 100 things to do before you die." I´m pretty surprised "yell for help" wasn´t one of them.
I`m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.
Life is simple. Eat. Sleep. Update Facebook status.
You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?