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If you figure me out I want an explanation.
My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn`t mean together.
How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
Like this if you can’t think of a clever status either.
The next time someone asks me what I`m doing, I`m gonna reply "I`m breathing 2 stay alive how about u"?
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
As I slowly ran my finger down her G string I thought to myself, this is a nice guitar.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!
There’s no such thing as being ready for vacation to be over.